REGAIN YOUR RHYTHM
3 Hidden Perks To Being Present: Empty Nester Edition
Last week I talked about how many parents struggle with holding it together while launching their child out of the nest. We also broke down how you can pull yourself together using your body’s natural ability to process.
But does it really matter? “This too shall pass”, right? Well, yes. BUT being skillfully present during this significant life event is the difference between stressing your kid out, having uncontrolled emotional outbursts and being anxious about your next steps versus letting your child go fully focused on what they need to be doing for themselves while modeling how to gracefully navigate stress and feel empowered and excited about your empty nest potential.
Here are a few subtle but important perks to being present that you might be overlooking:
Leave Your Child Feeling Confident That You’re OK
It can be really hard to emotionally keep it together during these sentimental send-off moments. It’s not that you’re necessarily sad, you’re just….feeling everything all at once. Of course, you absolutely have every right to feel this way. However, you don’t want to send your kids off on their adventure worrying about you. You want to give them a positive, confident transition with a reasonable display of emotions. You want them joyfully moving forward so they can focus on what they need to be doing for themselves to ensure their own success.
Navigate Intense Moments With Grace So You Can Move Forward Without Baggage
Your mind-body system is innately resilient and quite effective at getting us through stressful and emotional moments. Your system has a variety of default ways to cope without actually dealing with discomfort or stress. However, when you don’t take time to process the only thing you gain is a tension pattern holding what is suppressed in your mind-body system. This compartmentalization zaps your resources and you waste energy to suppress and avoid. You may also lose the opportunity to compassionately speak up for how you feel, honoring what you need. Yet, every time you are present with discomfort, allowing it to process, it develops your healthy coping skills, your “self-regulation muscle” so to speak. This skill lessens the build-up of emotional triggers and thus the intensity of your next struggle. It can even help you to prevent repeating an issue. Knowing that you’ve mastered the ability to navigate stress is an empowering skill set that transforms everyday life. But all of this can only happen when you chose to show up and be present.
Feel Confident In What’s Next For You
As if all this isn’t amazing enough, the awareness skills that empower you and your child to gracefully succeed in this life transition is also laying the groundwork for you to joyfully step into what’s next for you. The only way to figure out “how to do you” is by getting more familiar with YOU. These same awareness exercises helping you to settle down, process and reset yourself also help you to hear, see and feel what works for you and what doesn’t. It helps you to know what is for you and what issue, struggle or feelings belongs to someone else in your life. Lastly, it helps you to listen to your inner wisdom, recognize your new purpose and have clarity on how to implement it in your life with ease.
So if you’re reading this going – heck yeah - but you don’t think you’re quite ready to settle into deep processing just yet, I have a great, simple exercise for both your mind and body. My sweet friend Emmett, who is a self-healing inspiration to everyone he meets, recorded this mini-Qigong warm up to help get you started with healing awareness. You can access it when you register for my free Tool Box. It can be found under the Feel Better In 5 Minutes Or Less Module. Enjoy!
How to emotionally keep it together while emptying your nest.
Gracefully send your child off into the next stage of life
without anxiously worrying about them, feeling like a sentimental hot mess
or wondering what your everyday life will look like without them.
You’ve committed a large part of your life to raising your child - supporting, nurturing, teaching, feeding, coaching, driving, sacrificing, loving and so much more. You’ve given them the best of yourself for many, many years. So much so that your child’s transition into adulthood feels like your accomplishment and celebration as much as it is theirs.
You’ve been relishing every “last moment”. You’ve been hustling through the preparations for what is next. However, you’re also honoring that now more than ever, this is truly THEIR journey.
And while you’re enjoying the overwhelming sense of pride, there’s also a subtle inner relief that you’ve done it. That feeling comes across your face with a soft sigh and tiny smile of content. YOU have safely delivered them to this milestone.
But let’s be real – it can feel like a lot. As much as you want to cherish this process, you end up having to shut down emotionally in order to not explode with tears or sobbing at any given moment. In fact, the worry of not being able to hold it together is almost taking away from your special moments.
Even though this seems to be a common struggle, it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to sacrifice being fully present in order to remain calm and composed. You simply needs a safe, gentle outlet to regroup, which is as easy as TEA. I’m not talking about the beverage but rather your natural ability to process.
TEA stands for the 3 things you need to process and discharge the waves of emotion that you fear will uncontrollably surface: time, energy and ability.
T – Conscious, dedicated time to be present with your feelings.
E – The energy to calmly breathe through the emotions to dissipate the charge.
A – Accessing your innate ability to integrate the mind-body (nervous system) layers and feel like yourself again.
And even thought this appears to be purely a mental process, TEA will actually release physical tension for therapeutic relief you can feel. The only difficult part of TEA is deciding which benefit you enjoy most – the emotional balance, the mental clarity or the physical tension relief.
So if you’re the parent of a HS graduate looking to be peacefully present during the college transition while also acclimating to your new normal, are you ready to find that much needed personal time to gather and reorganize? I know it can be hard to squeeze in space for yourself right now but that doesn’t mean you can’t get started in small ways. And yes, those small steps will add up to make a BIG difference.
If you need a little help brainstorming some ways to get started, click here to sign up to get my cheat sheet, How To Transform 5 Ordinary Moments Into Therapeutic TEA. It’s getting some final touches but will be released this week. Also, I’ll be breaking the cheat sheet down for you in this week’s live on Wednesday at 2 PM. You can watch on our Facebook page or register to watch via Zoom. If you’re reading this after the live, click here to join our private community to access the recording.
Health and happiness,
Aimee
The 3 Myths That Are Crippling Your Self-Care Efforts
After thousands of treatments and 2 decades in holistic care, I’ve noticed 3 mindset obstacles that keep most people from achieving a self-care routine they love that nets consistent relief, progress and success. Here they are:
1. I need a hands-on treatment for physical relief.
The immediate relief from a massage can feel necessary and cathartic. But the relief will be temporary if only the soft tissue is treated. In this self-care model, regular treatments are required to continuously restore relief. If you desire a deeper, lasting relief, you ALSO need to treat the sensory stimuli, memory, belief or trigger that is causing the physical tension pattern. Only when you see and release all these layers, will you find a deep, more complete relief that you can feel on every level. This is why Craniosacral Therapy and other integrative therapies are beloved, popular and respected worldwide.
2. I don’t have the time, much less the energy, for regular self-care.
Often, we try to do too much on our own. This means we don’t have the inner resources, time or energy available to regroup by ourselves. Independent self-care isn’t realistic when we’re already stretched thin, exhausted and overwhelmed. However, a little therapeutic support in the form of “holding space” can transform me-time deferment into restorative, personal fulfillment that keeps you functioning optimally. Allowing someone else to hold space for you allows you to receive and fully surrender into deep self-healing. This is how, “I’m too tired for self-care” becomes, “I can’t wait for me-time and the demands of life can wait.” Deep restorative healing also improves your focus and time management skills making self-care a tangible investment in productivity, not just another thing on your to-do list.
3. I’ve tried many programs, from gurus to apps, and while they’re nice, it feels like I’m still missing something that I can’t put my finger on.
Most healing programs are about protocols, tools or people – all things that exist outside of you when everything you need already exists within. What’s missing in your holistic toolbox is the ability to access these internal resources when you need them most. Instead of simply accumulating external tools, learn to harness the power within you to become a master of navigating your everyday life. When you are familiar with and can connect to the same natural rhythms that created your whole being from a few cells, you feel in sync with your inner self, knowing and understanding what your body’s telling you. This ability also helps you to settle yourself and access inner wisdom on demand so you can be resilient, go with the flow and feel like yourself no matter what.
The magic wand that transforms these three mindset obstacles into second nature self-care is the safe space to access what already exists within.
Why TEA Is The Secret To Your New Normal
“Ugh, when will things go back to normal!?” my client texted me, trying to schedule an appointment.
My short text answer was, “Sometime in 2021, I expect.” However, if she had asked me this in session my answer would have been very different.
Sometimes there isn’t a way to go back to normal. There is only moving forward.
After all, is there really a ‘normal’ or is it simply what we’ve known and are used to? Life today will start to feel ‘normal’ when we get used to it. But perhaps, there’s a better question that could get us to a more fulfilling destination. What if we asked, “How can I co-create my new normal?”
Who are you co-creating with? Well, life.
TEA stands for the 3 things you need to process and dissipate what blocks you from feeling safe in a new normal: time, energy and ability.
To be clear, I don’t mean carrying on with life waiting for it to not be an issue. I mean giving the issue the:
conscious, dedicated time to be present with it,
energy to discharge the triggers while also
accessing your innate ability to integrate the mind-body (nervous system) layers to heal.
To co-create your new norm, TEA may include grieving pre-pandemic expectations, identifying the most distilled version of what you desire and learning how to connect with that desire in a different way. Not only does this help you to heal and move forward but it also keeps the issue from coming out unexpectedly or sideways in other moments of your life.
And believe it or not, this processing will release your physical tension even though it appears to be purely a mental experience.
The only difficult part of TEA is deciding which benefit you enjoy most – the emotional balance, the mental clarity or the physical tension relief.
However, the first steps can feel daunting. If you’re finding it hard to know where to start, allowing someone else to hold space for you can be helpful. If you like, I can help. Here’s 3 ways we can get the processing process started together right now:
5 Everyday Moments When You Really Do Have Time For Self-Care
You know what none of us have? Time. Yes, we all feel this way.
However, if you’re a daily exerciser, you probably feel “no time” is an excuse some people use to avoid working out. Likewise, if you require your surroundings to be neat and tidy, you too probably feel “no time” is an excuse for not cleaning up after oneself immediately.
It comes down to priorities - what is important to us and what do we need in our world to help us feel good so we can function. And while both are very important to healthy living, some of us prefer a regular cardio outlet for stress, while others feel soothed by and lean towards organization and order first.
But what EVERYONE seems to need more time for is - themselves.
So if you believe in the self-care benefits of mindfulness but aren’t practicing as often as you’d like, here are 5 moments when you really do have the time:
While driving in the car or during your commute.
While doing dishes, laundry, cleaning or picking up.
When you’re reaching for a self-regulating tool – a cocktail, a cigarette, Candy Crush, social media/TV or my personal go-to, taking a salty snack break.
In the loo. You’re already spending more time washing your hands a little extra these days.
Just go. Instead of squeezing in “one more thing” before you run an errand, which always makes you late anyways, start for your errand early and take advantage of the wait before your appointment to be present with yourself or that special person you’re driving around.
So what are you supposed to do in these moments that make them self-care, you ask?
Having someone hold focused space for you is by far the easiest, lowest effort way to do self-care. This is why all month, we’ve been talking about following your teachers to stay inspired.
My favorite thing to do it listen to someone who inspires me and brings me back to what is important to me while I drive, clean the kitchen or fold laundry. In fact, it turns a dreaded task into a desirable moment for myself. Do you dread a certain task? Pair it up with something that you enjoy – like an extra special cup of coffee while you do your taxes.
When you don’t have enough time to turn on a podcast or audio book or get a fancy coffee drink, simply bring your awareness back to your body and breathe. If you have racing thoughts or fidgeting while you take this moment, no problem! Your engine in downshifting. If you’ve been going 80 miles a minute you aren’t going to be able to come to a complete stop immediately. But allowing this time to slow down will change how you run the rest of the day.
These little moments matter and they really do make a difference.
While you may not notice an immediate difference, interrupting your stress cycles with these moments are physically and mentally therapeutic. Most likely your friends and family will notice before you will!
Try it for 3 days and then let me know how it goes. Did you have success? Did you not see a difference? Was it easy or hard? Email me at aimee@aimeeorta.com, post in the comments below or post on my page.
Health and happiness,
Aimee
4 Ways Clients Are Staying Inspired
Last week, I told you about the best advice I got this year, “Keep listening to your teachers." It’s helped me stay focused on my priorities, despite the fluidity of life right now.
And as promised, this week I’m sharing the top 4 client recommendations to stay inspired.
Magnetic Minds recommended by Melanie. Melanie enjoys this binaural beat music for meditation, sleep and focus. They are also helpful to catch a break from the nuisance of tinnitus. Thanks Melanie!
Matt Kahn recommended by Maureen. His blogs are long but I was hooked when he started talking about energetics and the nervous system. Maureen knows how much I love an evidence based approach. Thanks Mo!
Highly Sensitive Refuge recommended by Brita. This is a great resource for those who “feel things that they can’t put thier finger on” as well as those who already self-identify as empaths or sensates. HSR has a lot of great quizzes and articles that discuss mirror neurons, trauma patterns and non-mystical explanations for what you feel but can’t explain. Thanks Brita!
Last but not least, my very own Calm Clarity in 3 Minutes was recommended by Jill and a few others. (I heart you guys!) If you haven’t download this golden ray of self-care sunshine yet, click here to get access to my 3-minute settling and a few other free goodies. Jill downloaded the audio file to her phone and put it on her home page. This way she can easily hit play it in the car, doing laundry, walking the dogs or as a 3PM work break to regain clarity and focus.
Thanks to everyone who emailed me with your inspirations! Feel free to post more in the comments below or in our private community on Facebook.
The Best Advice I Got This Year
When life got intense this winter, one of the best suggestions I heard was, "Keep listening to your teachers."
Otherwise, it was all too easy to media binge for a false sense of control in an uncontrollable situation.
By continuing to follow and listen to those who inspire me, I stayed focused and mindful, instead of avoiding and only surviving. I put a time limit on current event consumption and mindless distractions such as TV and tablet games. I used my remaining time (during laundry and dishes) listening to those who inspire me in business, parenting and therapeutic self-care. This kept me grounded and moving forward so I could continue to show up, fully present for those who I hold space for personally and professionally.
So here’s my question to you . . . who inspires you?
Who grounds you and keeps you focused on your goals and ambitions? Who helps you to process every day events so you can move forward? Or maybe it’s a ‘what’ instead of a ‘who’. What keeps you on track and attuned to yourself so you feel balanced?
I’ve already started the discussion with some clients and collected a few recommendations to share. Some are fun and whimsical, a few mystical and woo-woo, and of course my personal favorite – a bunch that are grounded and practical.
I’ll share these next week. So, if you’re looking for some new ideas to begin or expand your teacher listening, check out the next post! However, if you want a little inspiration right now, join our private Facebook group to access all sorts of free workshops, classes and mini-meditations help you feel grounded and reconnected to yourself.